Full Time Working Mum, that's the way I want it

I stepped into the working world and received my 1st pay check when I was 19 years old, fresh out from ITE with a mere Certificate in Business Studies - Accounting though God knows why am I in accounting since me and Numbers are not exactly best pals.  I am not an ambitious woman who wants to climb the corporate ladder, fight office politics or micro manage people, I'm content just to be a white collar worker "minding my own business".

Two decades later I'm still working, besides earning better pay, I have DinoPapa and an adorable & cute (ya I know, me not shy) DinoBoy by my side.

Back track to 7 years ago when this much awaited little blue bundle of joy just enter into our lives, we were in 7th heaven and embrace him with our heart & soul.  There was never a doubt that I will have to quit my job to take care of DinoBoy because we needed the money and frankly, even if we can afford to live by with DinoPapa's pay I know deep inside my heart that I am not cut out to do the Mum duty 24/7.  I can barely keep my sanity during the 3 months of maternity leave!  So I went back to the work force as soon as it ends.

Sure, I missed out many of DinoBoy's "First" moments which made me sad, emo and the whole nine yards but I am still over the moon when I see it for the first time.  However the feeling of being left out from most part of his life gets more intense as the days goes by.  It gets difficult especially when he is sick and I am unable to stay by his side to nurse him back to health.  Before I knew it, I was walking down the Path of Guilt and doing the unthinkable...

I was splurging my hard earned money on him; toys, clothes, shoes, socks, hats and anything that caught my fancy just to lesser the pain Guilt has inflicted on me.  The excuses I've given to myself are "I think his clothes/shoes/socks are getting a little bit tight, time to get new ones." or that he does not have this toy YET and he will LOVE it so its ok to buy for him.  The items are usually not too expensive (I'm was a frugal Mum) but the frequency of buying is way too often.  I am glad that I am working and drawing a fairly good salary to sustain my splurging but I know I must put a stop to this.  Well, stop I did not but the frequency was lesser and I choose to buy educational toys or books for him instead.  Besides being money well spent, it creates bonding opportunity for us.  We spend many nights playing those toys after dinner and reading bedtime stories.

I am missing him for every moment that I am away from him at work, I will think about the stuffs we did the night before or that morning when I take a 5 minute breather from my work or sipping my cup of 3-in-1 coffee in the afternoon.  Sometimes my mum will call me just to let me hear DinoBoy goes cooing and gaa-gaaing at the other end of the line, I appreciate that as it gives me some form of comfort that takes away the bad feelings of not being with him every time.  When he is older, he learned to use the phone, he will call me just to say "Hi!", "I miss you!", "Mummy can I eat ice cream (or whatever my mum is offering to him when he is over at her house for the day)?" or to ask "Mum, what time are you coming home?  Its late already!" *oops*

So, perhaps I did miss out his certain "First" moments, milestones or achievements but I try to create memorable moments whenever I have the opportunity.  Weekends and public holidays are precious to me and I will always plan some activities or arrange play dates.  I make sure that we spend quality time together even if its just a trip to the nearby mall.

Couple of months ago, I had a chance to have a taste of being a SAHM, it was tiring and really not suitable for every one, not even me.  However I enjoy those 3 days where I was doing the housework, groceries shopping, cooking meals and fetching DinoBoy to & fro school.  I did have a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment at the end of each day, though feeling dead tired.  

Now, as I stand on this side of the fence peeping over at the other side, do I yearn to cross over?  Well, I do but the lure by the money and freedom to splurge is too great to turn my back on them.  The time will come eventually, till then I am enjoying my status of being a Full Time Working Mum!

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